Maternal Awakening

I was sitting in the glorious sunshine today with three friends and our children. One of us had given birth a month ago to a little girl. As we talked and laughed and advised and helped her out with the realities of coping with a new life it dawned on me how much I was enjoying this new part of my life.

I have spent much of the last two years in denial that I was doing a good job in raising a child. That other mothers were doing things in a better, kinder,gentler way. They were more organised, patient and motherly than me. I have been fixated on that word "motherly" for years.

But as we shared our experiences I realised that the last two years have given me experience.

I have been through pregnancy so I know about morning sickness, itchy skin, boobs that can touch the top of your belly, guilt about not being excited about meeting the new arrival, fear over the unknown labour, the list goes on and on....I feel I have been able to reassure prospective mums that whatever way they are feeling and any fears they have are normal. That there is no need to go overboard on buying the perfect buggy, carseat, raincover and change bag along with the co-ordinating wallpaper, curtains, cot blanket, musical mobile and sleepsuit.

I have been through pre-labour preparations so I know about the breathing you are supposed to remember how to do but in fact it is your partner that has to remember it, that it is ok to be the only person NOT to watch THE birth video in antenatal class, how many vests do I pack for the baby, do I need to bring a blanket for the baby, what on earth are breast pads...what nightie will I wear for labour....

I have been through (and survived!) labour so I can sympathise with the fears over lack of dignity, how you know if you are in labour (you'll know!), how you'll cope with the pain (gas and air, pethadine and epidural was what got me through-and that being offered a panadol is an insult to the pain!!!), that it's ok not to feel the "rush of love" towards this tiny helpless infant.

I have brought a new baby home so know about the question most new parents ask, "how do you have to have a licence to own a dog, but not a baby?". The middle of the night wailings (by me!).. "this is why I didn't want to have a baby...!", the amount of breast pads you go through each day, and the discreet-but-in-easy-reach place you leave them , the questioning over every whimper, every ounce they do or do not drink, the decision to stop breast feeding, the fears you will get them into bad habit if you give them a soother or let them sleep in your bed, the trials of getting them into some sort of "routine!, or not!, the decision to move them into their own room and at what age (10 weeks for us!).

These experiences are real, and are helpful to me-and hopefully to others!
-Helpful to me as I see how far I have come in 3 years. I have come from not feeling maternal and wondering whether I could ever cope with a child to having confidence in caring for my daughter and able to pass wisdom onto others. At the time I never would have imagined that I would laugh at the early months of Acorn's life as I struggled to overcome lack of sleep or even at my experience of labour!!
-Helpful to others who can draw on these experiences and gain their own self-confidence and reassurance.

No I still don't know it all (and never will!) and every day I have struggles and fail my daughter, myself and my husband. But I know I must be doing something right for every day my daughter is a bright, happy and healthy little girl who radiates joy and brings a smile to everyone's face through her active, independent nature.