Maternal Awakening

I was sitting in the glorious sunshine today with three friends and our children. One of us had given birth a month ago to a little girl. As we talked and laughed and advised and helped her out with the realities of coping with a new life it dawned on me how much I was enjoying this new part of my life.

I have spent much of the last two years in denial that I was doing a good job in raising a child. That other mothers were doing things in a better, kinder,gentler way. They were more organised, patient and motherly than me. I have been fixated on that word "motherly" for years.

But as we shared our experiences I realised that the last two years have given me experience.

I have been through pregnancy so I know about morning sickness, itchy skin, boobs that can touch the top of your belly, guilt about not being excited about meeting the new arrival, fear over the unknown labour, the list goes on and on....I feel I have been able to reassure prospective mums that whatever way they are feeling and any fears they have are normal. That there is no need to go overboard on buying the perfect buggy, carseat, raincover and change bag along with the co-ordinating wallpaper, curtains, cot blanket, musical mobile and sleepsuit.

I have been through pre-labour preparations so I know about the breathing you are supposed to remember how to do but in fact it is your partner that has to remember it, that it is ok to be the only person NOT to watch THE birth video in antenatal class, how many vests do I pack for the baby, do I need to bring a blanket for the baby, what on earth are breast pads...what nightie will I wear for labour....

I have been through (and survived!) labour so I can sympathise with the fears over lack of dignity, how you know if you are in labour (you'll know!), how you'll cope with the pain (gas and air, pethadine and epidural was what got me through-and that being offered a panadol is an insult to the pain!!!), that it's ok not to feel the "rush of love" towards this tiny helpless infant.

I have brought a new baby home so know about the question most new parents ask, "how do you have to have a licence to own a dog, but not a baby?". The middle of the night wailings (by me!).. "this is why I didn't want to have a baby...!", the amount of breast pads you go through each day, and the discreet-but-in-easy-reach place you leave them , the questioning over every whimper, every ounce they do or do not drink, the decision to stop breast feeding, the fears you will get them into bad habit if you give them a soother or let them sleep in your bed, the trials of getting them into some sort of "routine!, or not!, the decision to move them into their own room and at what age (10 weeks for us!).

These experiences are real, and are helpful to me-and hopefully to others!
-Helpful to me as I see how far I have come in 3 years. I have come from not feeling maternal and wondering whether I could ever cope with a child to having confidence in caring for my daughter and able to pass wisdom onto others. At the time I never would have imagined that I would laugh at the early months of Acorn's life as I struggled to overcome lack of sleep or even at my experience of labour!!
-Helpful to others who can draw on these experiences and gain their own self-confidence and reassurance.

No I still don't know it all (and never will!) and every day I have struggles and fail my daughter, myself and my husband. But I know I must be doing something right for every day my daughter is a bright, happy and healthy little girl who radiates joy and brings a smile to everyone's face through her active, independent nature.

Thankful thoughts

There have been a lot of things to be thankful for over the last few weeks.
In no particular order a few of them are:

Surviving a whole 7.80 days without Greenfingers as he went off skiing with his parents. I would have loved to have gone but didn't feel comfortable leaving Acorn for a whole week at this age....but next year will be different!!

Enjoying a wonderful night out with some girlyfriends, the hours just flew by...and the second cocktail really made the giggles come out!

This was followed by an uninterrupted 8.5 hours sleep as my sister took Acorn for the night!

Watching Acorn play with her two cousins, the fun and laughter the three of them create is heartwarming. So funny to watch them dancing around the living room.

I was grateful to my brother in law who offered to hang on to Acorn for an extra bit that morning so I could go for a browse around the local shopping emporium!!

Meeting the son of a friend. After 2 miscarriages to see her revelling in her role a mum and the huge grin on her son's face was beautiful.

Meeting a friend, we will call her New York, and her new daughter. Her perfectly formed face, her amazing fingers. A reminder of the miracle of God's creation. And how this dear friend actually blooms in motherhood, though she would deny it profusely!

Two friends announcing their pregnancies on the same day. One friend who was separated because of visa issues from her husband for 2 years, the other a friend who was been trying to get pregnant for two years since the birth of her son-who took six years to conceive!

The birth of a daughter for a fellow blogger. I have never met him but have followed his blog for a while. His wife and himself had a long, invasive road of IUI, fabulously described with honesty, humour and amazing metaphors. You can read more AT http://xbox4nappyrash.blogspot.com

Two friends who helped transform our bedroom from a tired four walls into a modern, cosy, beautiful room as a surprise for Greenfingers when he was away.



The welcoming into our family of a kittencat, who we call Cookie. We had been looking for a suitable cat for 2 months and finally we found him! He has settled in brilliantly, Acorn adores him, especially as he lets her-well to a certain extent!-pull,hug and smother him! Our other cat is slowly coming round to the fact he is here to stay! He makes me smile as he ADORES water, he comes legging it whenever he hears a tap going, someone in the shower, or even the toilet flushing!



Watching our garden unfold under Greenfingers capable hands! He has been working so hard to transform it into a "show" garden! The first stage is to be done by Acorn's birthday party next week! He is aiming for total completion by his birthday at the end of May. I love watching Acorn pottering about with him-mostly in the muck! (well until she comes into the house with her mucky boots....sigh....

Finding a molar cut through in Acorn's little mouth! That means there are only 3 more left!!!!! YAY!!! Maybe she will sleep through the night then.....a mother can only hope....

Sunshine the last few days... the promise of Spring and the hope of a nice Summer to come!

I wish you enough

This came into my inbox recently. It is beautiful so thought I would share it with you.


"Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'

The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.'

They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'.

'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' he said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

He began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone...' He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.


I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

Hot and steamy

Sorry folks, this isn't a post about my private life...

It is about how excited I have been by a steam cleaner.....yes blog followers, this is how banal my domestic life is, that I am excited about how clean my floors and carpets are.

For a few years now I have been yearning for a H20 steam mop. When we got our new home 18 months ago we bought carpet for the stairs, landing and bedroom. I don't regret having carpet there, but perhaps a darker shade would have been wiser. It has dirt from pawprints, a stain from a medicine bottle that Acorn emptied on her carpet, a stain from bubble bath she spilt on the landing....and the random list goes on....
As soon as you clean the wood floor and vinyl downstairs, Spresso the cat will bound in the cat door and you can follow her trail of prints.....
Acorn loves playdoh so as the days go by you can see little bits of it crushed into the sitting room carpet...and as it is illuminous colours it doesn't just blend well...

So this steam mop seems like it would make the task of cleaning all floor variants easy and...dare I say it???...fun??!! The ads entice me with client testimonials and the various extra freebies you get if you order within the next 30 minutes. But I can't justify the price...yet.

My parents, never ones to refuse a good bargain, whether they actually NEED it or not, have a Lidl version. It doesn't look as swanky or professional as the H2O one but needless to say I asked if I could borrow it recently.....and WOW, the results even after a quick test run!! I can imagine that when I go at the carpet properly it will come out like new....until Acorn squeezes ketchup on a patch and Spresso brings in half a flowerpot....

I will keep an eye out for a Really good special offer on the H20 mop.
Do you think it would be very sad if I put it on this year's Christmas wish list??

Prayer for Haiti

I was trying to think of some small way that I could help the people of Haiti and when this arrived, I found it to be the answer I was looking for. I hope you will join in so that we can pray together at this difficult time....

Keep the prayer going……….

Lord, I just want to say THANK YOU, because this morning I woke up and knew where my children were. Because this morning my home was still standing, because this morning I am not crying because my husband, my child, my brother or sister needs to be buried after being pulled out from underneath a pile of concrete, because this morning I was able to drink a glass of water, because this morning I was able to turn on the light, because this morning I was able to take a shower, because this morning I wasn't planning a funeral, but most of all I thank You this morning because I still have life and a voice to cry out for the people of Haiti. Lord, I cry out to You, the one who makes the impossible, possible, the one who turns darkness into light. I cry out to You to give those parents strength, and those children who have lost parents someone to watch over them, that You give them peace that surpasses all understanding, that You open the streets so help can come, comfort to those who have lost family members. Give them peace, give them hope, give them courage to go on! Protect the children and shield them with Your power. I pray all this in the name of my Lord and Saviour. Jesus Christ.

To all my friends please continue to forward this so that we can pray together for the people in Haiti .

New Year

It has been a while since I last blogged, not since the last decade infact!
This is not because I haven't had anything to be thankful about, because of course I do!
I just am not in the swing of all things bloggable and it is easier to do quick updates on Facebook!

Something to be majorly thankful for was New Year.

Almost every 31 December in the "naughties" was spent with greenfingers and a varying combination of our friends in some cosy cottage/modern house in the depths of Kerry, Cork, Waterford or Wicklow....to start with we were either single or dating. We are now all married and even more bizarrely some have procreated...

So New Year was looming and the desire to have us all together was high.

But where to find a five bed house for 8 adults and 5 children-aged 2 years 4 months, 21 months, 9 months, 3 months, and 3 weeks....
Kilkenny!!!!

Since one couple with two kids including the newborn couldn't drive, she having had a C-section and he having had an epileptic fit earlier in the year which disqualified him from driving for a year-they had headed to her parents farm where there was a "spare" 5 bed house for them to recuperate in. Which left 3 bedrooms for 3 couples! An answer to prayer.

Snow, icy and floods couldn't hold us back and we spent a lovely 48 hours together.
The older kids played together and the younger ones were passed around to give tired parents a break.
Granted not a lot of decent rest was had with 5 kids up at various stages of the night- and some of the menfolk playing poker til the wee small hours, but it was totally worth it. To see us all together, as spouses, parents and friends was unique. I even managed to get a photo of us all together and it will be framed and displayed prominently as a reminder how blessed we are.

On the way home a dear friend-espero- and her husband-jaybercrow- with her three wonderful children were staying only 15 minutes away. We normally live at the total opposite end of the country to each other so to be able to spend a whole day together was just the best start to the year. Watching our children play along side each other warmed my heart. Meeting her little Princess for the first time was just tear jerking. Again special memories were captured on camera.

Now how to get ALL my friends, spouses, offspring together at once....??

Reflections on friendship

When I moved to Cork six years ago I didn't know anyone that wasn't associated with Greenfingers. I didn't find any girly friends for myself. These I sadly left behind in Dublin, or others had already moved to other countries. So there were many weekly phonecalls across the miles that divided us and wonderful reunions when we went to Dublin or had visitors to the "real capital". But I needed girls close by, that I could call into and be Me with.

And then Acorn was born...and I connected firstly through a wonderful website here...and then with the mothers and their babies in flesh. We have shared so much together, opened up about everything to do with motherhood, parenting and just life in general. We have given support, encouragement and hugs, daily. We have had countless playdates, parties and nights out without our little ones. I honestly could not have survived these last two years as relatively intact as I am without these women.

It saddens me though when I think of my wonderful friends in Dublin. That because of distance and time I have not been able to involve them as much in this huge part of my life. But they are all still so dear to me. They were part of my formative teenage years, and through my twenties. They were my support throughout my courting of Greenfingers, a testing journey in itself. They have always been at the end of the phone, willing to meet when we go to Dublin, responsive to texts asking for prayer, quick to comment to facebook updates and photos.

I almost feel guilty that I am betraying them by finding other friends! But I know they would only want me to be happy and not sitting at home with Acorn feeling lonely.

So to my long-term friends, thank you for always caring, for pursuing our friendship despite the miles.

And to my new-found friends. Thank you for accepting me and encouraging me through this rollercoaster. Do you realise that you are the answer to years of prayers?! Funny that it took becoming a mum to find you all!

Three isn't a crowd

There are three of us in our marriage. It is a relief. If it was just me and Greenfingers it would be a disaster. Thankfully we have a third cog in our marriage wheel who causes unrest in our hearts when we are being overly selfish, mean , impatient or thoughtless. If this voice didn't exist we might have fallen apart a long time ago. We are thankful that we know a real God who gives us grace each day, offers us unconditional love, constantly pushes us to be better people, to be more like Him. I admire Greenfingers for striving to me a better man, a more loving husband, to understand me more.
On our wedding day six years ago we didn't just make wedding vows to each other, we made a covenant with God. And that promise will last "til death do us part".

Light in the darkness

Greenfingers' family has been through a lot the past few months, cancer scares and cancer realities. And yet another cancer discovered yesterday in his brother. Hopefully nothing gravely serious but a shock all the same.
There has been blame on God which is a natural reaction. But someone reminded us today that if greenfingers' mum had not had her initial cancer diagnosis then they wouldn't have found the second, more serious cancer. If his brother hadn't had a reflux problem then they wouldn't have found the cancer. If his sister hadn't had her tumour then she wouldn't have shown the inspirational way that someone can deal with scary, uncertain illness by a total dependence on a loving, caring, strong God.
A woman who goes to the church I work for passed away from cancer last night leaving a husband and 3 young children behind, including a two year old son. No words can explain the heartache or reasons why these things happen. It has made me hold Acorn tighter today, hold on to her longer. Every day should be treated as a gift, every milestone a blessing. We were with greenfingers' family today and the joy and laughter and delight she brought to the uncertainty really lifted everyone. Again I am thankful for her. For the light and joy in her little body.

Tuesday 27th October (can't think of a title)

hmmmm how does one be thankful when they are lightheaded and a bit dizzy, queasy, snotty and lethargic? When they went to Dublin for the weekend and didn't get to see their girlie friends and anyone they did see they couldn't engage properly with? When their house is a tip and wrecking their head? When the weather is dull and grey and winter is approaching?
ehmmmmmmm.....ok here goes some positivity....
My daughter is not whingey and irritating like she was last week. She went happily off to creche this morning. It was bizarre because I dressed her in a pair of trousers that I bought for my niece 3 years ago which have now been passed on to Acorn. I never thought then I would be blessed to have a little girl to dress. I never felt particularly maternal or had a desire to have children of my own. I guess something changed along the way. I met the lovely greenfingers and knew that life didn't revolve around me and that it would be a positive thing to create our own miracle, an extension of ourselves, a child of God.
She is a joy, our little Acorn. Full of fun, of life. Adventurous, but not recklessly so. Loving but not clingy. Confident but still mummy's girl. Beautiful. Healthy. My darling girl.
It is hard to admit that I am doing a good job. I spend a lot of time looking at my failures in parenting. But greenfingers recently reminded me of how much love I have given her, and how much more I have to give. I must try and focus on that.

Right...off for a clean-up....

Tandem Cycling

After an epic two hour nap by Acorn (something to be thankful for!) which left me unable to do anything but relax on the couch with her while she snoozed on me-usually her naps are no longer than 40minutes- we went for our first tandem cycle down to the village to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy.
Greenfingers had fixed our new front facing child bike seat here (thanks to PS for bringing it down from the North for us) to the bike last night so today was my first test-ride. I had bought Acorn a Postman Pat helmet here and she was thrilled to wear it-as long as Mummy was wearing her helmet-not a Postman Pat one! And off we went, it was fantastic. Acorn chatting to herself, and getting all excited whenever she saw a "doggy". She adores all animals, has done so since very young. When she was born we had 2 cats and a dog, unfortunately since then one cat has disappeared, and we moved our dog to my in laws where she has tons of space to run about and other dogs to play with. Any mention of the "dat" distracts her from tears and tantrums (well most of the time!). So I made it down to the village and back, probably 4 miles in total. It was lovely to have her so close and so happy, as well as getting some exercise.
Tomorrow I hope to cycle to creche and pick her up on it. There is a nice hill to whizz down on the way home. Don't think I'm ready to cycle up it just yet though....

Hello blog world

Ok, so I've created the blog...finally.
Thanks to those of you who have encouraged me to start blogging, like my fellow Cork mums (you know who you are), to my special friend at the other end of the country (you know who you are), and to the person who suggested the blog title (you know who you are). Apologies to those whose suggestions I rejected...thanks for trying!)
This is designed to offer daily/weekly thanks (or whenever I get the chance!) for the little things of life. Hopefully it will also offer a window into my life and encourage those who read it.
Back later....